Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My Conversion Story

I was recently asked to tell my conversion story at a fireside, but the only thing that keeps running through my head is why my story its not that exciting or remarkable, so I have decided to share it with you and then maybe get your feed back and you tell me "Is my story exciting or remarkable"

It will be 6 years in January since the day I was baptized but my story started about 6 months earlier when my sister told me about the missionaries visiting her, she explained to me that she invited them back because of how cute were, and then asked me if I was working that day, I was off work so I told her I would sit with her. I don't know about you but when you hear the story of Joseph Smith the spirit touches you, lingers there and makes you want more. After sharing the story Joseph Smith I was then asked if I would  read the Book of Mormon and pray to know if it was true. I agreed they gave me a few scriptures to read then we set up a time for them to come back. I read those scriptures, pondered them and prayed I didn't 100% have that confirmation that I needed but I was getting there. At the end of the next meeting I was invited to take a tour of the church and I agreed. I was picked up by a member of the church that invited me into her home for lessons and to family gatherings, and made me feel like part of the family, even before I joined the church. That night after the tour while reading my scriptures as I read 2 Nephi 26:25 (Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: aCome unto me all ye bends of the earth, cbuy milk and honey, without money and without price.). The spirit came told me that this is the true church.
I was ready at this  point to be baptized but there were still a few hurdles that I needed to overcome, so I took the little stop smoking lesson from the missionaries. I wasn't sure if it was going to work so I had a back up pack at home just in case. I did all the things that I was asked during the lesson, smashed the cigarettes and everything, but that night Satan was right there telling me that I needed a cigarette, so I got one out and took one puff it was disgusting and I put it out.
The next hurdle was the fact that I was on probation for some trouble I had gotten in a few years before over a fight with my mom. The mission president came and did my interview and I explained to him what happened. He then asked me to write a letter to him explaining what happened so he could in turn write a letter to accompany it to President Hinkley. I don't know what President Hinkley saw in me or anything about the confirmation he received from Heavenly Father, all I know is I  was granted the ability to be baptized.
Not to long after I was baptized I moved out of my grandmas house and became inactive. I lost touch with the wonderful family that welcomed me into their home and family. And during that time made many bad choices I broke every aspect of the word of wisdom, had 2 children out of wedlock, and there are probably other things I can't think of right now. But I came back. When ever I was down I could call the missionaries and they would come share a message with me.
I don't know why and will most likely never know why I was chosen to join this church when I did, but I do know that it is true and that Heavenly Father answers our prayers, even when the answer is something we don't want it to be. I love every one that has ever been there for me and I'm sorry for hurting them when I went inactive and stopped communication I didn't mean for it to happen. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I shall forget not

note: if this is unreadable I apologize for I wrote this post through tears.

Ever since Women's Conference and listening to President Uchtdorf's talk about the forget me not I can't seem to get it off my mind especially when it comes to my weight.

Every time time I try a new diet and I don't see the results that I want within the first week I get discouraged and give up and just settle with the fact that I am going to be FAT forever. Patience is not my virtue. I guess this is where the first petal comes into play for me FORGET NOT TO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

I then think of my longing to get the motivation and encouragement that I need to drop the weight by being a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I don't want a big payday (yes it would be nice), it's not necessary.I just don't know if I can give up my family if I am given the opportunity. So that brings me to the second petal FORGET NOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GOOD SACRIFICE AND A FOOLISH SACRIFICE.

I also ponder why I just can't be happy with me for who I am putting all weight and past issues aside. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children so full of life and happiness and I feel like nothing. I don't have to motivation to get off the couch most days. And that brings me to petal number three. FORGET NOT TO BE HAPPY NOW.

Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to learn the truth of the gospel when I did, since I didn't seem to use it then. Why such a wonderful plan was wasted on me when there are so many other people in this world that the missionaries could have taught. Petal four FORGET NOT THE "WHY" OF THE GOSPEL.

I don't know why but I have a hard time letting others in even God, I am so used to people giving up on me that I eventually just gave up on myself. I don't even feel worthy enough to be loved by anyone. Petal five FORGET NOT THAT THE LORD LOVES YOU.

I know that all of the things that President Uchtdorf said are true I just have a hard time sometimes when it comes to me and my weight.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me I just don't know what it is.

I also just sit here in wonder trying to decide whether or not all the time I am putting into trying to cast for The Biggest Loser is a good sacrifice or a foolish one.

I have forgotten how to be happy and don't know what I can do to bring it back.

I don't know why I was given the chance at the gospel at that time but I know there is a reason behind it I just don't know what it is right now.

I know Heavenly Father loves me, but I also know I need to learn to love myself again.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I feel like a complete failure.....

I don't  know what my problem is I can't seem to ever stick to a diet for more than a week even with the JM diet the food was amazing. We went out of town one weekend and thats when I failed when your driving 5 hours to a destination its so much easier to stop and grab a cheeseburger than it is to eat a salad in the car. I just don't know what to do we desperately are wanting another baby and have been trying since January and due to my weight it is impossible and I need to change I just don't know how anymore.