Thursday, October 6, 2011

I shall forget not

note: if this is unreadable I apologize for I wrote this post through tears.

Ever since Women's Conference and listening to President Uchtdorf's talk about the forget me not I can't seem to get it off my mind especially when it comes to my weight.

Every time time I try a new diet and I don't see the results that I want within the first week I get discouraged and give up and just settle with the fact that I am going to be FAT forever. Patience is not my virtue. I guess this is where the first petal comes into play for me FORGET NOT TO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

I then think of my longing to get the motivation and encouragement that I need to drop the weight by being a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I don't want a big payday (yes it would be nice), it's not necessary.I just don't know if I can give up my family if I am given the opportunity. So that brings me to the second petal FORGET NOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GOOD SACRIFICE AND A FOOLISH SACRIFICE.

I also ponder why I just can't be happy with me for who I am putting all weight and past issues aside. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children so full of life and happiness and I feel like nothing. I don't have to motivation to get off the couch most days. And that brings me to petal number three. FORGET NOT TO BE HAPPY NOW.

Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to learn the truth of the gospel when I did, since I didn't seem to use it then. Why such a wonderful plan was wasted on me when there are so many other people in this world that the missionaries could have taught. Petal four FORGET NOT THE "WHY" OF THE GOSPEL.

I don't know why but I have a hard time letting others in even God, I am so used to people giving up on me that I eventually just gave up on myself. I don't even feel worthy enough to be loved by anyone. Petal five FORGET NOT THAT THE LORD LOVES YOU.

I know that all of the things that President Uchtdorf said are true I just have a hard time sometimes when it comes to me and my weight.

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me I just don't know what it is.

I also just sit here in wonder trying to decide whether or not all the time I am putting into trying to cast for The Biggest Loser is a good sacrifice or a foolish one.

I have forgotten how to be happy and don't know what I can do to bring it back.

I don't know why I was given the chance at the gospel at that time but I know there is a reason behind it I just don't know what it is right now.

I know Heavenly Father loves me, but I also know I need to learn to love myself again.

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